Accepting Disappointment & Releasing Attachment

I launched a new coaching program... I got Covid... and we're moving.

Over the holidays my husband and I started looking for a new place to live here in Brooklyn.

Now, ideally we want 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms which can be challenging here in New York City. We’re still renting here in NY… we haven’t decided to purchase a place yet, and places are small. When you’re in the big city prices are high and space is limited.

That being said, we wanted to try and manifest something that we could stay in comfortably for the next couple of years until we do decide to buy.

Ideally we’d also like to have some sort of outdoor space - AGAIN super difficult to find here in New York.

We want an in unit washer & dryer, and a dishwasher which can also limit the amount of inventory we have access to.

The biggest deal breaker however is that the place has to allow dogs. Obviously we could find the perfect place that checks off all those other boxes but if it doesn’t allow pets, then it’s not for us.

After living here in New York for 5 ½ years in three different Brooklyn neighborhoods, we knew the areas we were interested in moving to as well.

So in an ideal world - the place we're looking for accepts pets, has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a private outdoor space, in specific Brooklyn neighborhoods, with in suite washer & dryer, and a dishwasher.

But I also know how important it is to practice non-attachment.

Buddah said that the root to all suffering is attachment.

Yes, we had a wish list for our new place, but we were also open to other options and embraced that as well.

Only two bedrooms? Sure. I’d prefer to have a separate room for my office but we can make it work.

Only one bathroom? Ok. We’ve made that work for the past year.

No private outdoor space? That’s fine. We also haven’t had our own outdoor space  for the past 3 years.

Would we be disappointed if we didn’t get everything we wanted - sure. Could we make it work - yes!

I think it's important to know what you want, and do what you need to do to help manifest and attract what it is that you want into your life. AND it's important to practice non-attachment.

Now, let's talk about disappointment.

In December of last year I just launched a new program called the Wellness Entrepreneur Accelerator.

The niche for this specific program is female entrepreneurs in the health & wellness space who are ready to start making $10,000 per month - consistently!

So I promoted an early bird price of 50% off for anyone who signed up before the end of 2021, and my goal was to sign up 3 clients at that price.

I signed up one client in mid December and then after that it was radio silence. No consultation calls, no DMs asking for more information, no comments from people who might be interested or had questions for me about the program, nothing.

And the closer it got to Dec 31st - the more I got discouraged. 

And the more I got discouraged - the less action I took.

And the less action I took - the more disappointed I was.

So after Dec 31st came and went, I looked back at why I felt so discouraged and I realized that as we got closer to the end of the year, my thought was "any extra effort won’t make a difference at this point".

That led me to feel discouraged.

I wasn't feeling discouraged because I didn't sign up 2 more clients... I was discouraged because of my thought "any extra effort won’t make a difference at this point".

My thought had me failing ahead of time, and I realized I was more attached to the result of signing up 2 more clients than I was to my WHY.

If I was more attached to my WHY - then I would have shown up differently. I would have chosen thoughts that would have served my mission to help more female entrepreneurs make their first $100,000. If I had done a few more live streams or made more content for my social media manager because I was more attached to serving my clients, than I was to signing up 2 more people... I wouldn't have found myself in a discouraged or disappointed state. 

When I'm more attached to my WHY, then it doesn’t matter if I sign up 2 more clients or not.

What matters is that my WHY drives my actions, because then I know my actions will always serve my business… no matter what.

Did I set out a goal to sign up 3 new clients? Yes.

So the next question is even if my actions are being driven by my WHY, is it still OK to feel disappointment?

The answer is YES!

Not only is it ok, but it's necessary.

I didn't sign up 3 new clients (which was my goal), I signed up 1. It's OK to feel the disappointment, you just don't want to indulge in it. Feel it, properly process it, and then you can move forward.

Would I have been disappointed if the new place we're moving into only had 1 bathroom? 100%. If that was the case then I would want to feel it, properly process the emotion, and then move forward.

I talk to my coaching clients a lot about the 3 A's. Awareness, Acknowledge, Acceptance.

When most of us start to feel the disappointment or feelings of worthlessness, we want to avoid feeling that pain so we try to ignore, avoid or numb the emotions that surfaced. The problem is that's a temporary fix - they don’t go away when we ignore them. They stick around - waiting until you get triggered by something or something else doesn’t go as planned so it's time to surface again when. And the more we ignore or avoid them, the more they keep us stuck.

However, when we bring awareness to those emotions we take our power back. And brining awareness to them can be as simple as saying to yourself, "I’m feeling disappointed". Or, "I’m feeling that I can’t do anything right". "I’m feeling like a total failure".

Then you acknowledge them. Where do those feelings live in your body? Breathe into that area. What does it feel like in your body? Does it feel like butterflies? Does it feel heavy? Is there a color associated to the feeling? Do you have any memories that surface or are associated with these emotions?

And then accept them. It’s ok that a part of you feels like a failure. It’s ok that there’s a part of you that feels worthless.

It's ok because you’re human. Accept that about yourself.

Then from that place of acceptance you can properly process the emotions and move forward from a much more empowered and rejuvenated place.

So practice non-attachment... allow your WHY to drive your thoughts instead of the outcome of your goals.

And practice feeling your feelings through awareness, acknowledgment and acceptance. When you feel disappointed, discouraged, or worthless - know that it's ok and it's part of being a human being.